New hair..........new job.

So...I have new hair. I really like it. It is definitely short. But I do like it. And I have a new job. So all together I am feeling pretty good. I am very tired. I forgot how much I hate mornings. Hate with a capital H. But so far so good. I am now starting to panic at all the things I have to get done. I have had 9 months to get them done..but no. All that really matters is that I am feeling better. It is nice to get out of the house. I think I am really going to like my job. It is at a bank being a teller. Once again I have to be nice to people. Anywho...thought I should do an update. And a positive one at that....what the heck is going on.

Forever.

I scream in silence...

I scream in silence
what can I do
I scream in silence
at the pain I caused you

I scream in silence
at the hope I once had
I scream in silence
that is why my heart is so sad

I scream in silence
with your pain in my heart
I scream in silence
why couldn't I see it from the start

I scream in silence
at what I lost
I scream in silence
but at what cost

I scream in silence
all I want is to be true
I scream in silence
I DO love you!

It has been confirmed....damn it.

Well it is official. I have been told by someone else, that I have changed. I have recently spoken with a friend who I haven't seen in 10 years. ...and guess what...I have been informed that I am not the same. I have changed. So it is not only me who feels that way. Its kinda nice to know that is isn't just me imagining it. but then again...do I really want it confirmed? No. I tried to explain it to Chris the other night. Don't think he understands me. I told him that I feel like I am living this life as a different person...its not really me. I have lost myself. which is sad to say. I explained that I don't have anything that I enjoy. I know what he enjoys doing...but don't even know what I enjoy. That is ridiculous. I don't know what has made me change..but I am pretty sure I am not okay with it. I know I know...again with the same old crap...but It seem relevant since it was confirmed by someone else. I am tired of feeling bad..I want to be happy. I want to change...but what? Someone help me.
I have decided to go to a parenting class. Hopefully that will help me decipher between Tara and "mom". At least its something...got to start somewhere right?