Sadness....please go away.

How can your heart hurt so much. I want to feel happiness again. To show it with a smile. But it doesn't come. Sadness is all I feel. No matter what is said, done or felt it doesn't change. The hurt is still there. I feel it deep inside me permeating every part of my body. There is nothing that isn't affected. The tears won't stop. The feeling won't stop. The sadness doesn't subside. I have never felt like this before. It's much worse. Don't try to make me smile. Don't try to fix it. It doesn't work. It's just annoying. I don't want to be upset. Don't you think I would fix it if I could. No matter how much I think this is for the best it doesn't make it easier. I desire to appreciate the people and things in my life. What each person brings to make my life better and more enjoyable. But I don't know how to anymore. How do you forget something that has been part of your life for so long? Its there permanently. Embedded in to my heart and soul. As much as I know not having it there would be for the best, I can't make it go away. I am scared of losing it. Can I live without it? Can I survive? I understand the reasoning. I really do. But it doesn't make it hurt less.