Myself....my sweetheart.

Amongst all of the things, people, thoughts, and life...I am looking for myself. I had a conversation the other day with one of my best friends who said she was looking for who she was after kids. As she was saying that I thought you know I am looking for myself with a child. Each day I think I have lost myself and it continues everyday. My joy at least part of it should come from spending time with my son. Being friends. I can see him changing...for the better in the last few days...maybe it's because he is almost 4. I love looking at his sweet little face. Giving him lots of kisses and hugs. I love the way he will explain to me at bedtime we have snuggled enough. Or when he comes to me with is hands pulling his hair straight up and asks me "Mom do I look ridiculous?"...and I think did he really just say ridiculous. I want him to love his life and enjoy every minute of it. That means I need to enjoy my life...when he is with me and when it is just me. I have never loved someone so much that just thinking 'who would have thought you could love something so much' makes you want to cry.